How Not to Have Remorse

When faced with a difficult decision, we often isolate ourselves to think it through and reach a conclusion. Sometimes, we act on that decision. Other times, we put it on the back burner and leave it unresolved. Regardless of whether we take action, we may feel remorse about the decision. If we acted on it, we might regret it because the outcome wasn’t what we had hoped for. If we didn’t act, we might regret not taking the opportunity, feeling that we should have done something.
 
This remorse can erode our self-confidence, drain our energy, and make us more hesitant to make decisions in the future. How, then, can we make decisions without remorse? How can we confront problems or mistakes without feeling defeated?
 
There’s a relationship between the mind and the heart. The mind thinks, the heart feels. In decision-making, some people try to eliminate feelings from the process, while others rely solely on feelings and don’t devote enough thought. We need both.
 
I suggest starting the decision-making process with feeling. Ask yourself how you feel about the decision you’re about to make. Tune in to your gut; let it reflect what your heart is feeling. Maybe you’re angry, scared, or overly optimistic. Whatever you feel, consider whether the timing is right for making a decision.

Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings and feel at peace with moving forward, shift to your brain. Analyze the issue carefully and try to reach a reasoned conclusion. When you’ve reached a final decision, check in with your heart again: How do you feel about this decision? Are you comfortable implementing it? If not, don’t act immediately. Sleep on it. Give it some time—hours, days, or even weeks—and then revisit the decision. Start again, moving from the heart to the mind and back to the heart. It should be like deciding to get married—don’t rush it. Your heart needs to feel right about the decision you’ve made and are ready to implement. When your gut is calm it means it is the best decision you could have made.
 
If you follow this process—feel > think > feel—you won’t have remorse. You know that you made the best possible decision at that moment. If the decision doesn’t produce the desired results, consider it a learning opportunity. Ask yourself what you can improve next time.

By learning from mistakes or setbacks, we refine our decision-making process. We grow. Success, on the other hand, doesn’t teach us as much; it reinforces what we’re already doing and can lull us into complacency. Contentment with past success, in a constantly changing world, can be a recipe for future failure.